Change
by ForeverMartyr
Summary: Follow Severus Snape's journey from beginning to end...his life, his love, his determination to set things right and free his broken heart until the very last moment. Songfic. Oneshot. Written for ConstellationxSirius' "Taylor Swift Challenge".


**Finally, finally, finally!**

**I at last finished this oneshot that has been bugging me for ages. Thanks to my lovely Hero for editing for me once again; I don't know what I'd do without you! Mind you, I also finished this with a dreadful cold, so I am partially delirious. Hope that doesn't affect my writing too much ;)**

**So, yes, this is a songfic and not normally my type of writing, but I was presented with a challenge long ago and simply could not refuse. Written for ConstellationxSirius' "Taylor Swift Challenge". Let me know what you think?! Thanks :P**

**To clear any confusion: Italicized words are memories/thoughts and bolded and italicized words are lyrics from Taylor Swift's Change. **

**Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor any Taylor Swift songs. I just borrow them :)**

**-Rose**

Change

"_Dead!"_

_Severus Snape bolted through the walls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the word hanging on his lips like liquid poison, sputtering with a vengeance. Sweat broke out across his brow as he ran, black cloak billowing out behind him as he did so. Cold eyes darted around the corridors as his footsteps pounded the stone, though he hadn't the faintest care in the world if he was noticed. The moon shone brightly through the glassy windows, casting an eerie glow upon the walls. Breathing heavy, fingers shaking, Snape made his way through the school and out to the front courtyard, slowing down as he reached the bench in the center._

_Body trembling with an undeniable force, he sat, wrapping his robes across his body, due not to the fall atmosphere, but the fear spreading through his veins about the looming future. His pale hand reached inside his robes and produced his thin wand, struggling to mutter the incantation and produce the only portion of his stubborn heart that remained intact. From the tip of his wand burst a flower and he took it gently, rolling the stem between his fingers. The white petals glistened by the light of the moon, reflecting in his eyes, which were now iridescent with tears. _

_It was then that Snape bent over forward and sobbed relentlessly, crushing the delicate lily in his palm. _

_**And it's a sad picture**_

_**The final blow hits you**_

_**Somebody else gets what you wanted again**_

_He ran through the courtyard and through the trees, never once halting his pace. His heart pounded against its cavity with every footfall, echoing in his mind like a forgiving mantra. Stumbling over rocks and upturned roots, he magically lit his wand in an effort to clear his path. The combination of the darkness and his cloudy vision made it difficult to perceive anything. Snape pushed past the thickened tree trunks and scraggly bushes for what seemed like an eternity, his breathing increasing in tempo. The moment he felt the magical barrier lifted, however, he stowed his wand away and quickly Disapparated from the outskirts of the grounds._

_Snape repositioned himself as he reappeared in a dimly lit street, leaves dancing along the pavement with the wind. There was not a single soul present otherwise; the place reeked of death and treachery. And yet, he walked on, gritting his teeth with the hopes of pushing the remorse deeper inside. He pushed his way through a gate at the end of the street, doing his best not to tread on any memorials. Kneeling upon the grass in front of a large stone, he regrettably let go of the flower, which slipped through his fingers and landed upon the stone, crumpled in his attempt to hold onto it. Snape would always want just a little bit longer to hang on, but in spite of that, he did not have a choice anymore._

_His fingers brushed the stone lightly as he stood, eyes fixed on the inscription. It bore the name of the one person he cared about most in the world, the one he had given his heart up for. Both the person and the heart were now gone, buried in this wretched place, the result of his carelessness and futile attempts to prevent it. She possessed every bit of his loving soul that had once been with him. Oh, how he regretted so many things in his past, what he wished he had done, what he wouldn't give for her to be here, even for just a few moments. It all but tore him apart just thinking about it, and he decided to depart before the agony destroyed him completely._

_The breath came with a whispered feeling from his lips in the night and the wizard turned on his heel, departing from Godric's Hollow and feeling nothing but remorse and longing in his empty chest that once held his heart, the very bane of his existence. _

_**You know it's all the same**_

_**Another time and place**_

_**Repeating history and you're getting sick of it**_

_**But I believe in whatever you do**_

_**And I'll do anything to see it through **_

Anything…

That was the word Snape had used when he pleaded to Dumbledore in what seemed like so long ago. He refused to let anything happen to her, the only companion he had, even if it was for a short period of time…and she would never know how much she truly meant to him, how big of a role she had played in the dire theatre production that was his life. Of course, she had never fathomed in her darkest daydreams that anyone, least of all Severus Snape, would pine after her. Over the years, he would fight the infatuation deep within, pushing it to a point until he very nearly forgot how it felt to love.

_**Because these things will change**_

_**Can you feel it now? **_

_**These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down**_

_**It's a revolution**_

_**The time will come for us to finally win**_

Oh, yes, things would change.

Snape wandered the empty halls of Hogwarts on patrol one dark evening outside of Gryffindor Tower. He sighed, knowing full well that Harry Potter was not asleep in his bed, but somewhere far away, perhaps in a forest or cavern. Wherever he was, he was certainly safe, as he was protected by the blood traitor Weasley and the Granger girl. The world was in turmoil, and Snape snarled as he kicked a stray ink bottle that had fallen from someone's bag. He was certainly at his breaking point now, wanting nothing more than for the pain to vanquish forever into the air. But Snape's heart sunk at the thought, for he knew the only way to have redemption was to be free, and either one of those would result in his demise.

Perhaps…it would be worth it.

_**And we'll sing "Hallelujah"**_

_**We'll sing "Hallelujah"**_

The internal debate between life and death, right and wrong, love and hate, plagued Snape for weeks on end. His potions never came out correctly; his only talent was lost, as well as any hope for the future. With Dumbledore gone, Death Eaters roamed the school with the consistency of an infections disease, wreaking havoc at every corner. Fear was present upon every student's face, and Snape could not help but feel pity towards them. They had done nothing to deserve the looming destruction above their heads, and they were being sent home left and right. Sorrow infiltrated his chest as he watched families be torn apart at every turn, with no ceasing of the horrors. He had seen far too many in his days suffer the same ending, and it crushed him at the thought. For too long had this battle raged on in the world, and it needed to be stopped, by any means necessary.

Of course, there was only one way that it could be. Snape sighed as he continued to hate everything he had done, and everything he could have done, deeply regretting many of the things in his past. There was hardly anything he could to do save the little he cared about, but acting upon any of those would certainly bring him to his end. He could not, and would not, surrender, and would do anything he could to make it that way.

_**So we've been outnumbered**_

_**Raided and outcornered**_

_**It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair**_

Snape sat in Dumbledore's abandoned office, staring blankly at Lucius Malfoy, who was recounting the current events. "Three students have left, and several more followers are on their way," he said icily, though Snape could really care less about what the other wizard had to say. Students were being whisked home left and right, despite the fact that Hogwarts was still safer. It had nearly impenetrable magical walls, hidden passageways, and himself, for that matter, but it did not seem to make much of a difference. The dark forces were still finding themselves able to seep into the school now that the most powerful wizard had been murdered by the same person who now inhabited the office, and there was little he could do to stop it. His thoughts rampaged his mind like a stampede, struggling over the possible decisions.

_Unless…but I couldn't possibly manage to…fulfilling this leaves me one option…but she would want it…wouldn't she? _His heart fluttered at the very mentioning of her once more.

All he could do at the moment was nod curtly as Lucius departed the office, taking no notice of the former headmaster's portrait that hung above him. Snape sighed as he glanced at the sleeping Dumbledore, who, on his orders, had put himself in harm's way to save the school. Snape had found it a rather ridiculous request, but nonetheless obeyed, and now he found himself in the headmaster's position, wanting nothing more than to roam the countryside as a free man and escape the madness that was overcoming him. It was too much, far too much, and it had been so long since Snape was in his right mind that he no longer recognized himself. With a frustrated growl, he slammed his fist upon the desk, the inkwells rocking back and forth.

"What am I supposed to do?" he groaned to himself.

"Fight for what you believe in."

_**We're getting stronger now**_

_**Found things they never found**_

_**They might be bigger**_

_**But we're faster and never scared**_

Snape's head shot up, his black hair covering his face like a protective curtain. The older, sly headmaster had only been feigning rest in his frame, watching the younger wizard's every move. His voice had surprised him; it had been months since Snape heard the advice pour through his ears and tell him what to do. Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled as they always had, his lips turned upwards into a slight smile. He was every bit of the solace that Snape wanted, and yet, he still felt bitterly alone.

"Why did you have me do this?" he scowled. "What purpose did my murderous acts have? Tell me, Dumbledore!"

The older wizard looked upon him not with pity, but with pride. He did not answer Snape's question, but merely said quietly, "The path to your heart is open, Severus. It will crumble only if you let it—" Snape glared at him, but Dumbledore continued—"but you know what is right. I know you do. You can walk away and say 'We don't need this'."

The fire in his eyes softened as remorse filled Snape's heart, supplying its constant emptiness with the urge to find what he wanted. The images of what he loved and needed flew across his mind, his hands shaking. Feeling a surge of emancipation, he looked up at the frame to where the former headmaster was leaning forward in his chair, the smile growing wider upon his face.

"But there's something in your eyes that says 'We can beat this'."

At the mentioning of this, Snape's eyes flickered, the light returning to their hollow blackness for the first time in many years. The blood rushed through his veins with the desire to win, to get back what was rightfully his, to redeem the internal longing and, as Dumbledore said, fight for what he believed in. Dumbledore's kind eyes followed him as he bolted out of the room, robes billowing out behind him freely. His heart pounded in its cavity as he ran through the halls of Hogwarts, the sunset pouring like honey through the windowpanes. There was absolutely nothing that could stop him now.

'_**Cause these things will change**_

_**Can you feel it now?**_

_**These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down**_

It was the end of the end, the war to cease all wars, the fight to the finish, and it was raging throughout the school like a massive fire, with the possibility of being extinguished only held inside those with pureness of heart. The words from Dumbledore's portrait rang in his ears as he hastily quickened his pace. Withdrawing his wand, Snape continued to run until he reached the lower levels of the school, the fights below ringing in his ears. Smoke billowed out from behind corners and shouts of pain and fear could be heard behind every wall. He paid no attention to the hollers from once-fellow Death Eaters, nor the cries of the dying as they lay across the marble floor. Instead, he pushed his way past everything he had ever known and proceeded to the closing stages, the final act. He was confident, unnaturally so, and was determined to set his heart free before it was destroyed forever.

_**It's a revolution**_

_**The time will come for us to finally win**_

_**And we'll sing "Hallelujah"**_

_**We'll sing "Hallelujah"**_

Snape remembered what his purpose was as he fled across the grounds of the school and to the familiar tree, feeling a rush of anticipation. It was what he had waited for, the redemption he had desired for so long. No longer would he be under the orders of anyone but his own free will, and from there, he would fulfill his true desires, the ones he had kept secret for so many long and painful years that it was almost unbearable to acknowledge them now. Nevertheless, it needed to be done. He had to do it. He could not bear the pain for one more moment after years of serving the dark forces as a traitor. If he could not be liberated of this before the time came, all hope would be lost, and the future would be bleak for eternity.

He dashed through the familiar surroundings, feeling the nostalgia penetrate his body with the intensity of an uncontrolled inferno. Snape's eyes never once looked behind him; there would no longer be any moment where he would regret this. It was far too late to turn back, and even if he had the smallest desire to, his fragile heart could not bear it.

_**Tonight we'll stand and get off our knees**_

_**Fight for what we've worked for all these years**_

_**The battle was long**_

_**It was the fight of our lives**_

Voices could be heard from a few feet away, and it was then that Snape took a deep breath before entering. Despite the ironic situation, he felt the tiniest of smiles spread across his face, one that he had not felt in years. _This is it, _he decided. This was the event that would determine the fate of himself, the overpowering force, and the rest of the world. Severus Snape was no hero, and had never felt like one in his entire life. However, as he stood there, with the destiny of himself and the future creatures of the earth in his hands, he felt more alive than he had ever been. If he did not take this opportunity as it was being presented to him, the cloud of darkness would never be lifted from the world. There was nothing more to fear at this point…and it was all because of her. Everything, always, had led back to her, and it was the reason he stood here and had fought for all this time.

Snape took one last look outside the window, at the clear, starry sky, and stepped through into the room. His face was clear of any emotion, wand gripped in his hand, feeling nothing but pure strength and love at last for what he believed in.

"Good evening, Severus."

"Master."

_**But we'll stand up**_

_**Champions tonight…**_

Snape inclined his head at the figure in front of him, avoiding the darkened eyes that bore through his entire soul. He wanted to say as few words as possible in order to follow through this quickly and easily, leaving him with little regret and pain. He understood what the outcome of this would be, despite the fact that his hopes were higher than they had ever been.

"I trust you are finding everything to your advantage?" the Dark Lord said quietly, his long fingers fiddling with the wand in his hand idly. Snape nodded, showing no signs of feeling apart from his tightening fist as Voldemort continued to talk about the battle, his plans for the future, and everything that he wished to achieve. Snape's eyes followed every movement of his former master, taking no notice of the dark wizard's frightful glare.

Everything was coming to a close at this point; the end was drawing near, and the impending doom was arriving unless Snape fought to the end. He would, of course, do everything he could to win, and he would not falter without a struggle. Snape would rather die an unsung soldier in the line of battle than live with the suffering world that was to exist if something was not done.

_**It was the night things changed**_

_**Can you see it now?**_

_**The walls that they put up to hold us back**_

_**Fell down**_

The eyes of the Dark Lord penetrated him with such a vengeance that it nearly tore through his wildly beating heart. Words were spoken from his lips, and yet he hardly knew he was doing so. Snape could not breathe, could not think, and was only focused upon the snakelike features of his former master, the giant serpent entwined at his feet. Voldemort spoke of an item, a wand in which he sought after so greatly, though Snape paid no attention to it. The thoughts of his mind were in perfect syncopation to his heart, tongue forming trance-like phrases that hung in the air like a quivering spider web.

"…good and faithful servant…regret what must happen…"

Snape hardly minded what was being spoken to him, etched with the signs of his oncoming demise. It was then that he stopped caring entirely what happened to him, and only desired the one thing that could make him truly and unconditionally happy. He had given everything he could, sacrificing the remnants of his very being to fulfill his lifelong promise. And now, moments away from the end of that promise, he realized it was all he ever really wanted, everything he needed to give his life a purpose.

She had given him something to live for.

_**It's a revolution**_

_**Throw your hands up 'cause we never gave in**_

In a flash, the snake had struck and Voldemort vanished, leaving the remnants of a fallen hero behind. Snape was suffocating both internally and externally, emotions and blood having the same deadly consistency that plagued his body. The shattered heart in his chest screamed for release and freedom, begging for an escape out of this darkened world. It was over, he was dead, or very nearly so as he struggled to find a breath somewhere in his throat. The blackness surrounded him, enveloping him in shadows as he sputtered and gagged, trying desperately to speak.

_**And we'll sing "Hallelujah"**_

_**We'll sing "Hallelujah"**_

It was as though she heard the pleading desire in his mind, though he was powerless in his ability to form words. Moments felt like eternities passing by as Snape's existence slowly faded from this world, his soul being sucked down into the depths of the obscured night. Though his dying body was drowning in his dim world, he suddenly felt a surge of salvation; the sky brightened, the pain eased, and the breath escaped from his lips quickly. His blackened orbs met those that he coveted, the brilliant green shimmering above him. Harry Potter's figure stood over his, standing in awe and defeat as Snape struggled for words.

"Look…at…me…"

The last thing that Snape would ever utter in his lifetime would be the simple desire that had evaded the one he wanted so very deeply for his entire life, for his love was unlike any other: unselfish, immortal, eternal, and he released the memory from his body and brought it into the hands of the pale boy, forcing the truth into the air before the secret died with him. Not once did his eyes stray from those of Harry's, which were not his own, but a mere hand-me-down from the girl Snape knew in his teenage years. Deep in the glistening emeralds was the life of Lily Evans, the very thing that would carry him on to the end.

And so, it was with a final breath and the love in his eyes that Severus Snape died on the floor in the arms of her reincarnation, joining the heavens to seek out the one he loved and at last freeing his heart that was, and always would be, Lily's.

"_**Halleluja****h…****"**_


End file.
